And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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