if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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