i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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