So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
