he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
even my farts smell like vagina
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
