sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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