I think my vagina is haunted
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
