can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
