Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
