You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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