didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
