Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
