My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My underwear smells like fireworks.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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