So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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