Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize