Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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