for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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