Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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