your thong is hanging out like whoa
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
