Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
