Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
