Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
3pm strippers are depressing
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize