Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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