wakey wakey hands off snakey
Too much gin, very little bucket
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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