I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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