getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
