ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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