I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
