fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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