He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Who died my cat blue again?
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