im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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