Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
