Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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