Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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