I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
