Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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