just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
