I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
