How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
cat food counts as protein by the way
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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