I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
