he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
