Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When did angry sex become our thing?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
