That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
