I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
