you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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