My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
