i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you didnt know i had herpes?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
