I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
