I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
