my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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