Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
