my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
