Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
