Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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