His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
