he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
