So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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