Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
