The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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