I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
