Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
