The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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