the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
