Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
