who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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