This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
