im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
