"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
