Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize