Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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