New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
