a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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