Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
